What do you do, when you find out, that the person you are in love with is getting married to someone else? You have been trying to “work things out”, you continue to ignore every single red flag God has placed before you. Because you are blinded by love. Your intuition kicks in, you ask them what you fear most, and they confirm your worse fears.
A friend is currently living this nightmare. She is beyond devastated! This is an open letter to her and any man or woman who has endured this painful experience…
When I saw the tears in your eyes, I knew the conversation was not going to be good. “He’s getting married! To someone else!” I heard nothing after that, once those words rolled off your lips. I was as surprised as you were by the news, seeing that we had spoke of him just days before.
As painful as this is, I’m so proud of you! You had the courage to follow your female intuition and ask him directly if he was getting married. I know hearing and accepting that truth was not easy. But you still managed to hold your head up high and walk away like the lady that you are.
You are one of the most beautiful people I know both inside and out. I wish you could see what the rest of the world see’s in you. You are so giving, understanding, and forgiving. It comes naturally for you- not many people can say that. You do not judge a single person and you always find the best in everyone that you meet.
He was anything but this. He did not deserve you, and my heart goes out to both you and the woman he intends to marry. Devine Intervention showed you exactly who he is and exposed his ugly truth to you. Unfortunately, the other woman has no clue and will discover his ugly truth on her own.
I’m watching you everyday fight back the tears and handle this emotional roller coaster with such grace. I know it’s not easy. We talked about how Spirit will take drastic action, to show us the truth, when we ignore all of the signs prior. You’ve already survived the most painful part of this ordeal and you will only continue to heal moving forward.
When you’re healed, and when you are ready, the right man will come into your life. It will be a love and happiness you have never experienced. I truly believe that. Do know that you deserve that. You will look back at this experience and be thankful that it happened. You will even thank the man that caused you this pain. Because when you come full circle with this, you will fully understand the reason why the relationship had to end.
When he contacts you again, and he will, share this quote with him. “If you find yourself in love with two people, choose the second one. Because if you truly loved the first, you never would have fallen for the second.”
Trust in the process and continue to be the beautiful, classy woman that you are…
23 comments on It Is Not Love, if He is Marrying Someone Else
Laurie Jackson
Just send them aem wedding gift with a Thank you card. No need to sign your name on the card.
Jc
This letter for your friend is really great, I am happy i read it.. I want to know if how she’s doin now since your post is 2 years ago.. I am currently experiencing what she experienced. The worst nightmare, the worst days of our lives. A guy we thought who will love us and will never hurt us, but then in just one snap got married to someone else. It is too painful to handle and I don’t know if when and how I can handle this. It’s Christmas yet I am the only person not jolly for this season.
Rene Holiday (author)
Hello Joanna. Before I respond, I must apologize for taking so long to reply to your comment. It was not intentional, unfortunately I’m just now seeing it. I was under the weather during the Holiday’s and finally getting back on my blog. Back to you and your situation… I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve gone through the same experience as my friend. I know that is heartbreaking, and I hope you are finding the strength to move on. My friend was deeply hurt by her experience. It didn’t help that the jerk continued to call her, because he wanted to maintain their friendship.
She cut off all contact with him, and allowed herself to heal. I kept telling her at that time, that everything happens for a reason. What doesn’t make sense in that moment, will make sense later down the road. What’s important is not to block your blessings by being upset with what you cannot control. We all deserve happiness. You mentioned Christmas wasn’t easy for you. I hope you are allowing yourself to heal. I hope you are focusing on your well being, and not the loss of your relationship. I know it’s not easy, I have been there myself, it was painful. Once I got over the pain, which in reality was probably my ego (not pain) I knew I deserved better.
That letter came from the heart because I had been there myself. So don’t doubt what you can handle, put yourself first. Be open to the process of healing, and leave the pain in your past…
Jc
Hi Rene,
Really glad you replied back to my message. Don’t be sorry for responding late, I sincerely understand..
It’s been more than a month now since I heard the news of him eloped and got married to his ex who was about to marry someone else. That news still knocking my head off till now…why, what happened and what did I do wrong? I thought this situation only happens in movies and I can’t believe it’s happening to me. I keep on convincing myself I am in a better situation than the guy who was left in the altar of my bf’s ex, but then I cannot deny the fact that we are both broken. Left behind and cheated on. I felt better when I read your message for your friend, very comforting and it helped me realize I am better of without him.
Now, I am still working on starting over. It is really hard especially everytime I remember that nightmare. My friends tried to set me up to a new guy, but I don’t think I am ready. For now I just need a friend to talk to, and I am happy someone cares about my drama I posted online. I really hope that my heart will heal the soonest and I hope I will forget everything. I hope I stop reliving those darkest days especially when I’m alone, and believe me I am trying really hard. I can’t thank you enough that you spare some time to read and reply to my message. I keep on reading those words to uplift my spirit. Thanks a lot and I hope one day I can give you a different story, a happier me that already moved on..
Shuchi
Hi Rene,
Let me start with saying, you’ve put together such beautiful words for your friend that I couldn’t help but feel hopeful about myself too. I experienced the exact same thing, we had been in an on-off relationship for last 6 years and just when we confessed to each other that it has always been you, for both of us, he decided to say yes to someone else for marriage – all within a month! He told me, but because of the on-off pattern I truly didn’t believe that we weren’t the ones ending up together. To make it worse, he kept in contact confessing his love every time and then pulling away, only reinstating my hope that it will be me and him in the end.
Just 18 days before his wedding he decided to cut contact and then somehow while skimming through his cousins pics after days I stumble upon his wedding picture! I was beyond crushed. Had a little panic attack, the news just didn’t set in. I called up my friends citing the news, and they were with me within hours. But nothing made sense. How could he is what I kept asking. He told me I made him happy, feel good, completed him, I could see through him, etc. I simply didn’t understand. We spoke 10 days after his wedding, I told him I love you and he said it back – 3 times. Also that he continued to talk because he couldn’t let me go and still can’t. I am someone he can never get out of his head. Even at such a stage this man chose to lie.
It’s been almost a month since we last spoke, and now is when I cried at a stretch. I know it’ll pass but right now it just hurts too much.
Your letter to your friend made my heart feel lighter.
Love,
Shuchi
Rene Holiday (author)
Hello Shuchi,
I’m so sorry to hear that this happened to you as well… I’ve spoken to quite a few women that have experienced this, myself included. No one wants to be told the one that they love, plans to marry someone else. ESPECIALLY when they are still involved with that person! That’s just cruel. Men that do this are straight up cowards, punks to be exact. I’m quite sure, the women they married had absolutely no idea they were still involved with other women. If they are entertaining other women, they are not ready for marriage.
Whatever relationship issues they are having within themselves, they are bringing into that marriage. Nothing good can come out of that. As painful as it is, consider yourself lucky. You dodged a bullet! If he had married you instead, he would have done the same behind your back. Once you allow yourself to heal from this,and I mean fully heal (stay off any social media he can be found to help you heal) you will open the door to receive your blessing.
It’s cliche to say “Everything happens for a reason.”, but it does. In situations like this our egos get the best of us. We’re human after all. I challenge you to change the way you are thinking about it. Instead of staying in the pain of it all, move past it by saying to yourself “I deserve better! My next relationship will be better!” Also, think about what you want in a man, and what you want in a relationship. Speak it into existence! I’m a strong believer of that…
I’m happy to hear you found some comfort in this open letter to my friend. I hope your healing process takes you to a better place. You deserve to be loved in the most beautiful way.
Bria
Hi Rene:
Thank you for this beautiful letter. I am also experiencing this myself. I was already apprehensive about getting with my ex because of prior trust issues but he won me over after some time. It took awhile for me to let my guard down and when I did he broke up with me claiming he no longer loved me because he spent too much time trying to convince me to trust him. I was devastated and left him alone. After 3 months of no contact, he messaged me claiming that he was only frustrated and that he still loved me and wanted to work on getting back together. I told him I was open to that but he would have to rebuild trust because of the way he disappeared before. I asked him if he was with another woman during the time we weren’t speaking and he said no. He became a little distant when I demanded consistency but was still reassuring me of his love (flirting romantically and sexually). The last time I saw him he was trying to get physical (kissing and sex) and I told him no sex until we could get back to a better space and he agreed. Four days later, I woke up to being blocked from all forms of communication. When I used another number to call him, he answered and claimed that he didn’t block me but then rushed me off the phone. After some digging on Facebook on a fake account, I discovered he got engaged to someone else the night before, a huge engagement party on a rooftop. I am so disgusted. Apart of me wants to expose him to her for being so cruel and deceiving. Please help. It’s not fair that he gets to live happily ever after, after playing with my feelings for no reason.
Sincerely,
Bria
Rene Holiday (author)
Dear Bria
I am so sorry for your experience! I don’t understand why men feel that it’s ok to treat women like this. As painful as it is for you, the best thing to do is to leave the entire experience in the past. He’s already been exposed, and he will not live happily ever after. He will always fear that his fiance will find out the truth about him. Trust me, she will. She may already know exactly what she’s getting into. Karma never loses an address, and karma will come knocking on his door.
You on the other hand, have the rest of your life to live. You deserve better and you will find the person you are meant to be with. Block him on EVERYTHING! Your phone, all social media, everything. Allow yourself the opportunity to heal. The most painful part is behind you now. Everyday will hurt a little less, but he healing process is always better when there is no contact with that person. That includes not watching them on social media.
Let yourself heal… I recently had a conversation with someone regarding relationships. I suggested to her, that she write down what she wants in a man. Not the material things, but what exactly she was looking for. She had gone through trials and tribulations as well, and knew what she did not want. But she realized after my suggestion, she hadn’t given much thought to what she did want.
Clearly you recognized early on what you did not want from your ex, and I’m happy you set that standard with him. Now think about the positive things you are looking for in a man. When you’re ready to date again, you will recognize those positive traits. You deserve to be happy! Let him go, leave him right where he is at. You’ve given him enough of your heart, your time, and your peace. Give all of that to yourself now. When you fully let it go, you will experience a peace and happiness unlike no other!
~Rene’
hopejoy1
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Nene
Thank you for writing this. The same thing is happening to me. It’s a nightmare and I found out yesterday and found a load of envelopes addressed to his friends in his car door and I opened one to see what they were and his name alongside another woman’s name. I didn’t confront him at the time as I looked when he popped out to the shop. I was trying to gather my thoughts. I wished I didn’t look, but if I hadn’t I would look like a fool later. I don’t know when he was planning on telling me, but his wedding is two weeks away and it’s an arranged marriage. I was in his life before his new bride and now I’m the second woman. I did eventually ask what are those envelopes were and he became panicky and snatched them away and said its something to do with his mate. But i didnt say i opened it. I didn’t say anything and let him lie to me.
I want home feeling confused, betrayed and distraught, but it’s his culture that’s making him do this. It’s his way of manipulating me, and still keeping the benefits of having me in his life as well. I couldn’t sleep that night and I didn’t want to wait for him to tell me later when he should have been honest from the beginning. I’m never going to get those hours I invested in him back. I text him telling I know everything and he replied saying he need a to move on and will change his number and not contact me anymore and that he’s sorry for everything. This is where we have left it. It’s a good thing too. How unlucky is his new bride that she doesn’t know he’s been seeing me way before and whilst their wedding is being planned! What goes around comes around and I always believe in karma. The best thing I can do is follow my own path without him and learn from this. Love is never guaranteed to anyone. I will never get those 4 years of my life back.
Sakshi
How are u now dear… How is the situation?
tes4short
Thank you so much I am so inspired. I am going true same shiy right now.. I accommodated him for months, feed him and I have asked him severally if our relationship won’t lead to marriage he kept reassuring me that he wants to be with me.. I lend him some money to start up a business he is yet to pay back..I found out few days ago that he proposed to a lady and their introduction is coming up soon and wedding next year.. I am broken cos he still stays with me I m tolerating him because of my money.. How could he do this to me I am such a nice person.. My world has crumbled..please how long would I put up with him cos he doesn’t know I m aware
Rene Holiday (author)
I hope you let him know immediately that you are fully aware of the situation. Consider the money you loaned him the price to pay to see his true character. He lives with you and proposed to another woman? I hope you kicked him out into the streets.
brenda
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Freida
Hi Friends,
This happened to me too.. We were together for a year, happily I guess. He claimed he was unsure of my commitment hence he decided to marry his ex..
She on the other hand had no idea that we guys were together. She cried for him almost a year while he didn’t respond to her (and went around happily with me)
After deciding to marry her, he could not be ‘man enough’ to tell her about me.
So I decided to take charge, went and told her everything, while we were together for a year..
Now here comes the sad part, that girl cannot leave him as she says her parents and relatives involved in this now.
I wonder why can’t she realise that calling off a marriage is better than lifetime of suffering.. nonetheless she chose to suffer knowing everything what he did behind her back..
Probably what I did wasn’t appropriate but I couldn’t wait till Karma did justice.
I know I would be facing karma now but my intention of telling her was to warn her…
Rene Holiday (author)
I think she knows exactly what she married into, but chooses to suffer in silence. Unfortunately, alot of women (men too) will stay in a situation out of fear of not wanting to be alone. I don’t agree with how he handled things, but you dodged a bullet. Don’t beat yourself up over facing karma. Let it all go and live your life happily… You deserve better!
Freida
Thank you for your good words and wishes.. Stay blessed!
Rene Holiday (author)
You are so welcome. Blessings to you too… Live your life to the fullest and be HAPPY!
Therese
I am incredibly grateful u wrote this. I am using this for me too. I knew this guy for a while, not personally. He became my dream guy. I said no to a lot of guys because of him. I finally met him. I felt like i knew him my whole life. I fell in love with him, i believe. He made me awfully nervous because he was handsome and very accomplished. I was poor. U are right that the Holy Spirit warns us before. When i didn’t see him for months, i was warned he didn’t really care for me. He saw i acted different. He kept trying to talk to me. I also was warned he had a girlfriend. Later on, he was cold to me but very nice with my close friend. I was upset. He later looked at me as though he had deep feelings for me. I was still fighting my attraction to him. There was a point i thought i could read his mind and he mine. I think he was asking me questions to see about going out with me. Things got weird. He stopped seeing me period. Someone thought he stopped coming to an event was because of me. I think he got in contact with that guy because he kept hinting to me that this guy liked me and wanted to marry me. I ran into him twice. I have no doubt he was attracted to me. Both times i saw him with the same girl. That might have been his girlfriend. I thought he was going to introduce me to her, but he never did. Now i just found out he is married to a different girl. Yes, i know this is crazy. I know it is better this way, but it is so hard getting him out of my head and my dreams. Thank u again, i guess i need to find more beauty in my life to heal.
Rene Holiday (author)
Hello Theresa
I am so sorry you had this experience, but happy that it didn’t continue for one more day. You deserve true love and true happiness. I never understood why people have such a hard time living in their truth and their light. Why being honest is so hard.People (men and women) should just put their truth out there, and allow the other person to decide how they to approach the experience. If they choose to approach it at..
I believe once he is completely out of your head and your heart, you will find the man truly meant for you. Stay blessed!
Aish
Hi,
Read your letter.. facing same situation
We were freinds for 4 years and came into relationship after 6 months he told me parents won’t approve then he could let me go nor could I we were having on and off after that two years then now he is getting married to sombody else and posting forever love msges for her.. when we were together he was still in touch with ex (not the girl he is marrying now) and never told anyone about me …
Now I am devasted and crying everyday now he posts on insta gram for the other girl to whom he is getting married “#foreverlove I want to tell everyone how much love I have for you”.
I still can’t believe he just left . I really want to move on laugh again but it seems like it won’t be possible ever ..I don’t what to do how to deal with it . I felt like I have been used and he was just doing time pass .he told one of my friend he made a mistake of coming into relationship with me because he will the marry only the girl his parents choose ..then he told our frequency didn’t match .. everytime different reasons . I know now he didn’t want to be with me ..I am broken I don’t knw wht to do
Twinkle
Hi,
Read your letter.. facing same situation
We were freinds for 4 years and came into relationship after 6 months he told me parents won’t approve then he could let me go nor could I we were having on and off after that two years then now he is getting married to sombody else and posting forever love msges for her.. when we were together he was still in touch with ex (not the girl he is marrying now) and never told anyone about me …
Now I am devasted and crying everyday now he posts on insta gram for the other girl to whom he is getting married “#foreverlove I want to tell everyone how much love I have for you”.
I still can’t believe he just left . I really want to move on laugh again but it seems like it won’t be possible ever ..I don’t what to do how to deal with it . I felt like I have been used and he was just doing time pass .he told one of my friend he made a mistake of coming into relationship with me because he will the marry only the girl his parents choose ..then he told our frequency didn’t match .. everytime different reasons . I know now he didn’t want to be with me ..I am broken I don’t knw wht to do
Patricia
I went through the same as your friend. We went out for four years, on and off. He feared commitment and said he was not ready for something serious. I fell in love with him and we had such an amazing connection. After pushing him for a commitment, we broke up. He blocked me from all avenues. We ran into each other a few months later, I got to tell him how I felt. He then came back into my life after 6 months. He started to go out again. We would talk everyday and go on dates weekly. Things were great! I was so happy and hopeful we were on the right track. He seemed too perfect. Then out of the blue I come to find out through a FB post his mom announced his engagement to another woman. To top things off, he tried to cover this up by blocking me and unfriending his mom on social media so I would not see the post. I was devastated by the news. He continued his plans to take me to dinner the week he proposed. I was in complete shock. My life was falling apart. I decided to meet him and see if he would tell me. He carried on the night and did not tell me about his engagement. I let the night progress and at the end I asked if he had anything he wanted to share with me. He said no. I confronted him about the engagement. He admitted he was engaged, could not explain why he was not forthcoming with the truth and he asked if this changed anything between us. He seemed concerned about losing me forever. He apologized, said he would like to continue to have me in his life. I could not believe it. The following day, he text me that he felt I set him up, we should take time to think things through. He was going to reach out after a week to see how I feel. I didn’t respond back. After a week he text me another apology and said he hoped I would stay. I told him we needed to talk about this as I had a few things I needed to say to him. He called me, I got to tell him everything I felt about his lies, his plan to continue to deceived and manipulate me. I expressed how much damage he caused me emotionally. He asked if we can meet in person to discuss. I agreed as I needed to ask the question why did he do this to me. Why could he not commit to me? But then I realized he would not commit to anyone and the girl he is marrying did not gain anything. I mustered the strength to confront the man that broke my heart. I got to say everything I had to say. He couldn’t give me an explanation of why he did this. This jerk thought he would strung me along into the marriage. He followed up with another text the next day, it seems he realized he was over his head. I told him I could not remain his hidden secret or any part of his life. It hurts that it dragged out this way. I hope time heals all wounds.